Meet a stranger, and that stranger could be you!

So, the start of a blog, after a long gap. Have just returned back to the career I love, after a illness. Well it is something to get paid for what you love doing. After seeing over1000 clients and 18 years of practice, I still have nervous anticipation before each session. I think it’s a reasonable superlative to describe the human as a most extraordinary versatile universal model. There, it’s out! that my counseling approach is influenced by a continuing awe about Human and Natural Life. How could that not be, when I’ve seen so called ‘hard’ clients appear from behind a life time of image, barriers and defenses. Acknowledging and accepting who what they are, and finding a solution into tomorrow. Or the ‘softer’ client with a life time of feeling that they have ‘missed out on life, discover a whole new inspiring purpose’. The list is endless and there is so many, that we could identify with. So what am I getting at? That witnessing all the changes I have seen in clients or personally, can’t help making me feel inspired before each session. Having clear evidence, that given the will, need, belief, value etc, transformation of the most surprising kind is possible. Almost like none of us really know ourselves, or haven’t even attempted to find out! This reminds me of a elderly client who had a life time of being bullied by their Taxi driver partner. After a couple of session unfolding a life time of hurt, anger and loss of confidence, they begun to define the issue, which was to get control back in their life before it was to late. (The more accurate we can translate what is inside us, the more able we are to define the issue, which then makes it easier to find solutions. It’s so organic.) My job as a Counsellor is not to find solutions, but to help you find your own. So a solution arose from her, which was, to go to evening classes, without telling their partner. For some reason not stated at the time, they choose mechanics! Now we had another session, and then left it for a few weeks. The person came back, looking good with a new stride and confidence. It seems that their partners Taxi broke down, with a faulty starter motor. To the complete surprise (and loss of power) the partner then discovered that their so call useless other half had secretly replaced the old starter with a new one! Change towards a more, healthier equal relationship dynamic was now possible, which was worked on in the following final two sessions. So who and what are we? Strip away our cultural conditioning, learning and experience, is our unique self. The aim of my sessions, is to help reconnect to what lies behind the image. From that deeper place is where the genuineness, acceptance and reality resides, and it’s from that place we find the solutions and well being.

I am finding writing these Blogs useful. It is like being your own counsellor. As we all know, a lot of the time in our lives, we never really know what is going on in us, until we put it out of ourselves. Its like putting out a stall, and seeing what we have! In our culture, we have a habit of putting things in the closet, whereas we are designed as Humans to constantly clear the closet. The problem is, that what we leave in the closet, has a way of effecting our today`s as fear,guilt,authority,avoidance etc etc etc. Yet when we clear some of the closet (skeletons, ie history) we find that those things, loose their power over us, and we are more freer to move on. A case that comes to my mind regarding this, was seeing a elderly client in the NHS who suffered from severe pins and needles for a number of years. Regardless of the medication,nothing helped. I saw her for one session, and in the session, she eventually spoke about a occurrence that had happened in her childhood, that she had never ever spoken about. I then get a call from her Doctor a few days later, wondering what had occurred in the session, as the client had told him that for the first time in years, the Pins and Needles had disappeared! I saw the client a few more times, to cement the progress, and as far as I know, the pins and needles never came back. Ive wondered about this, and what I think happens, is that us Humans are processing machines, ie we breathe in and we breathe out, or we eat,digest,and expel what we don't need. This is how we are supposed to go on in our lives, and in this particular clients case, what she had locked up in her closet, was really destroying her, and the natural barometer in her complex was saying 'hey we are overloaded, please help, and find a release'!This points to how a unfortunate aspect of modern medicine, is inclined to subscribe pychotheruputic drugs, which tends to stifle our pain, which unfortunately tends to lock the problem in, rather than in dealing with it. We do seem to live in a society,that wants to avoid uncomfortability and pain, rather than facing up to things. I know that I can allow this as well. Watch tv, have a cigarette etc rather than deal with what I need to do!
This opens up a curious phenomena, which is a main feature of Brief/Solution Therapy and NLP,which are both mainstays of my own approach. That is how quickly change can happen, if we really allow it!A short lazy history on Brief Therapy from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. 'Milton Erickson was a master of brief therapy, using clinical hypnosis as his primary tool. To a great extent he developed this himself. His approach was popularized by Jay Haley, in the book "Uncommon therapy: The psychiatric techniques of Milton Erickson M.D."
"The analogy Erickson uses is that of a person who wants to change the course of a river. if he opposes the river by trying to block it, the river will merely go over and around him. But if he accepts the force of the river and diverts it in a new direction, the force of the river will cut a new channel." (Haley, "Uncommon therapy", p.24, emphasis in original)
Richard Bandler, the co-founder of neuro-linguistic programming, is another firm proponent of brief therapy. After many years of studying Erickson's therapeutic work, he wrote:
"It's easier to cure a phobia in ten minutes than in five years... I didn't realize that the speed with which you do things makes them last... I taught people the phobia cure. They'd do part of it one week, part of it the next, and part of it the week after. Then they'd come to me and say "It doesn't work!" If, however, you do it in five minutes, and repeat it till it happens very fast, the brain understands. That's part of how the brain learns... I discovered that the human mind does not learn slowly. It learns quickly. I didn't know that." (Time for a change, 1993, p.20) .
My own analogy, is that Brief therapy takes you to the top of a mountain, that allows you a view of the valley where the problem is (without being effected by it), while being at the top of the mountain, gives you a clearer view about the future you want' This is why partly I have titled my Blog 21st Century Counselling, because of the new paradigm shift in psychology which in the past has looked more at the problem, to the new realisation, that the Human is designed to go forwards, rather than be stuck in the past and than concentrating on the problem! When you think about it, soon as you look at how you would like something to be, your more likely you are to find creativity and inspiration and a answer, than when you get immersed in the problem!
So the message at least for me today is change,improvement and change is possible. Thankyou

Well, Monday morning. I'm like one of the clients. Faced with so much, always its hard to know where to start. It may not be initially satisfying or easy, but it does seem, that starting from where you are, matches how the complex is designed to deal in reality. This was the great cry from the Hippies, 'Be In The Now'. Yet, this is one of the hardest things for us Humans to do.
So, this morning, I'm feeling a bit muggy, and a background sense of loose ends, that until I have completed them, will act as a niggling irritating noise. Really, right now, I have to say thank you to that internal Barometer (however you want to describe it)built into ourselves, that lets us know if things are right or not. Suddenly I fill better, and more clearer. Why, is it that the more definition we give and have about what is going on with ourselves, the more understanding we have? Its like a experience is a box of bits, and the more sense and admittance we have about all the bits, rather than just be effected by them, the closer we get to the edge of that box. In other words, to move on in our lives, means we have to move beyond and outside of the box(history) otherwise all we have is continual repetition in our lives. For example, experience without the learning, is like the difference between a tourist and traveller. A tourist is left with holiday snaps, but nothing really changes, while the traveller has a more intimate experience with their surroundings, which invites new learning! This reminds me of my early experiences in Counselling, when I did a 2 year placement in Alcoholic & Substance Abuse Clinic. The clients on the surface seemed to be aware and honest about their substance abuse history, but didn't really move beyond the facts, so just stayed within their box(history) and didn't take any responsibility, so depriving themselves of any new learning or change. In other words, their psychology which didn't want the uncomfortability of change, kept things the way they were. Being just a Trainee Counsellor, I didn't appreciate this, but also admit, that I was also afraid of challenging them to much, and convinced myself, that because the clients seemed to be honest, then the sessions were useful! It was just outside to outside, with no real intimacy. Talk about the clients denial, there was also my own! But that was years ago. I now realise that as a Counsellor I am very much part of the process, and If I cant be real and genuine, how can I expect the client? That if I shy away from uncomfortability, how can I expect the client to step into anything challenging? A reminder for me today then, be myself. Thankyou

Well my second Blog. I must say I was pleased with my last blog. I think in the past I would of tried to get it perfect, but like my counselling sessions, I try to 'go' with things and in someones famous words, just try to be good eneugh. I do love counselling. It has always surprised me, at the extraordinary richness in each life, and how like the unfinished universe, each one of us is unfinished. But always, we are up against our history(psycholigy) but thankfully we are designed to go forwards. That when there is the motivation and reasion, who knows what is possible. One of the liberating things I came to in my early formatory counselling experiance, was that I didnt have to be the 'expert'. That at the end of the day, were all worlds experts on ourselves, with our own uniqueness,style and way.I think one of the changes thats taking place in the world around us, is the breakdown of all authority, here and abroad. Like everything, there is a positive and negative. Plus always, no decision is singular (even if it seems to be)but has multiple causes, and multiple effects. So one aspect of the breakdown of faith in external authorities parents,politicians,priests,prophets etc etc) may hint at the gradual shift from some external criteria to increased belief and trust in ourselves. In other words, becoming our own authority.This raises the question, of what is true morality?It is a shame if it is imposed from the outside rather than from a true reasioning about what fits and true.In other words not some blanket law imposed on each individual, but everything decided according to its own merit, and not this years fashion. This arrises so much in the Clients I see, where they discover this internal battle going on between how they are trained to behave and think from conditioning(psycholigy), and a sense of what their own vague selves are saying. The first one causing guilt, fear,duty and compromise etc and the other one, when acted upon, causing freedom,certainty and new birth, even if that path may initiilay cause lonliness,and judgement from others! This reminds me of a client, who spent years taking a bullied back seat in her relationship, and after a session, oddly decided to do a mechanics course without her husband knowing. Intrestingly a few weeks later her husbands starter motor broke, and he couldnt fix it. Well you know the rest, she secretly went to the car,removed the starter and put in a new one!! The next session I saw her, were talking about a new emergance. It wasnt some downtrodden women who appeared, but a Lady, in her own right, with a story to tell of new found respect in herself and a confused husband! So lesson for me today, is try to be myself. Thanks

So this is my first blog. Well as a counsellor, I obviously wont be writing exact details about my
Clients. But I will be writing about the whole mystery of Human Development, at least from my own experience. Suddenly, I feel censorship turning up in me. Oh dear! how honest can I be. But we do seem to be moving into a more transparent society, (even if this is mostly enforced upon us!) and one of the things I’ve discovered in my counselling sessions, is that the more self honesty, the more authentic we can be. In many ways, the counselling sessions are a bit artificial, but it can offer a template of how two humans can communicate in a creative, non judgemental way. My own approach is that it is a discovery process between 2 separate unique humans. That its all very well having theories and techniques, but what really works, is having the right attitude. And al the universities and teaching cant give you this. At the end of the day it’s got to come out of your own life. I know that when I first started, I hid behind Theories and techniques, in the same way that culturally, we can hide behind a mask. You behind yours, and me behind mine. So nothing really changes, and it’s all outside to outside. But after a while, I took a risk in a particular session, and spoke the truth to a client, when I said that I was bored, and I wonder if that’s how other people were with that person. It was so curious, rather than the client being angry at my honesty, the client suddenly became very honest about themselves, and from that point onwards, a whole paradigm shift took place in their character. Another early experience like this occurred, in the first session that morning in a NHS clinic. The client had been on tranquilisers for 20 years, and really had what you could describe as a 'grey life'. I had only seen her twice before, and at the beginning of the third session, she said that 'it was ok for me, because I had it all sorted out'! Now it so happens, that I hadn’t got it ‘sorted out' and that my Girl friend had left me that week, and I felt devastated. Totally going against my training, I replied truthfully to the client about the break up of my relationship that week. Also to get through it all, I had to get up a hour early to go for a run, so that I get somehow get some control back into my life, and to be able to attempt some professionalism at work! The Client was so taken aback at this outburst that she got of her seat and came over to me and put her arm around me and said that it was alright. Anyway, the session finished and I saw her the following week. What a change! she wore makeup, she had changed her hair style, in fact she glowed, and said that for the first time in over 20 years, she had stopped taking tranquilisers! She then said that up to the previous week she had thought that she was alone, and somehow my honesty, caused her to do a complete new appraisal about her life. So at the end of this first blog, I’m reminding myself that we humans are designed to deal in reality, and that if we can truly be honest, then something new can emerge, that may even surprise ourselves. Thanks